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Why men don’t quit…

Simple question, huh? The answers are simple but they’re not easy. First of all, it’s not because men think sexual sin is okay. Make no mistake, most of them feel horrible about it. Most often, men want very much to quit. Trust me…It isn’t from a lack of desire. Chewing men out, nagging them and quoting scripture usually doesn’t result in change. They already know. Men don’t quit for two very big reasons:

They’re using it to cope with life. Yeah, that’s right, it’s emotional; a coping mechanism. Sexual sin usually covers up a deep hurt, fear, insecurity or other emotional need. Men do it to dull their pain or feelings of powerlessness. They use it to fill some deep void. Think with me for a moment. If it was a logical decision, most men would have it whipped. Some of these guys are taking HUGE risks for seemingly very little reward.

They’re afraid that getting help means people will find out. Being “outed” is usually a huge fear for the sexual sinner. Oddly enough, it’s not big enough to stop them from committing the acts; they just take great pains to not get caught. These days, it’s not considered so bad to confess that you’re a recovering alcoholic, but there’s still a great stigma attached to sexual problems. Consider the following list: Gary Hart, Bill Clinton, Elliot Spitzer, Jonathan Edwards, Tiger Woods, Eric Massa, Mark Sanford, Kobe Bryant, Magic Johnson, Roman Polanski, Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggert, Ted Haggard. All of them paid dearly and publicly for their sexual practices. Getting outed can mean losing friends, jobs, reputation, wife and family. The cost can be Titanic.

But here’s the thing: the cost to continue living with the guilt and shame is even greater! One guy I know with long-standing victory over a deep addiction told me the other day, “The reason I wouldn’t quit [misusing sex] was I thought that nothing could ever be better than sex. Boy was I wrong! Life is SO much better now!” Amen brother! Life is so much better now – on all levels.

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