Home > General > Giving sexual sin up – what to expect.

Giving sexual sin up – what to expect.

For those who are making a radical change in their behavior, the first few months are critical. There are a few things that can trip you up if don’t know what to expect and don’t plan for them. Let me give you an idea.

Time on your hands. You may be surprised how much time was devoted to getting your fix. When you give it up, you may find you have quite a bit more time on your hands. Come up with your fire drill for this: plan ahead of time for other things to do that are in no way connected with your favorite way of getting your fix.

Urges. These can be huge. Current neuroscientists research is revealing that the sexual high can be as powerful as a cocaine addiction. The first day it seems like NO WAY; NO HOW; YOU’LL NEVER, EVER make it – not even to the end of the day. You will feel compelled to give in. Don’t give in. Resist. It gets better. Day by day, week by week things get better. With every victory you’ll gain more confidence.

Anger. Now that you’re not getting your fix, you’ll find your anger fires up. It’s critical to understand that you have used pleasure from sex to deal with your stuff – or avoid dealing with it. Since you haven’t developed healthy coping skills, anger results. Anger is often like the blinking light on your soul’s dashboard: it’s saying “something’s wrong here.” It’s natural…but don’t stay there. Forgive yourself, but start learning healthy coping skills.

Fear. You can really convince yourself that you’ll never make it. It’s a lie! Your brain, heart and your own sin nature will try to deceive you into believing that you will never have anything better than your sexual sin; that trying to stop was dumb and that you will never succeed. These are all lies.

It’s not all tough stuff…

Peace. With every day of victory, you’ll feel more and more peace, joy and satisfaction that you are starting to have consistent victory over your sexual sin.

Lack of shame. You will start being able to look others in the eyes again with the knowledge that you are not living the double life. Your secret will have lost its power.

Spiritual growth. If you are trapped in a persistent pattern of sexual sin, I can virtually guarantee that you have not been growing spiritually. Sexual sin acts like poison to your spiritual growth. When you truly surrender and stop living your life your way, you’ll find that God can start working with your softer heart.

I can almost guarantee you that you will not make it alone. Stop. Let me say that again. You cannot make it alone! There are others out there who have been there and can help. More importantly they can show you that there is a better way. If you live in the greater Wichita, KS area and want help email me. I will keep your contact completely confidential. It could be the best thing you will ever do!

  1. April 25, 2010 at 8:23 am

    Hey VIP,

    I think it’s so important that we find “safe people” that we can reach out to in our struggles. White knuckling it has to happen some times, but we’ve got to establish healthy relationships. Relationships with people who know our garbage and encouage us. Those are the people that can really help us get though urges, anger, and other struggles.

    We have been so good as addicts at disconnecting with others. We are masters of being someone totally different on the outside. Someone besides ourself has to know about that gap.

    Good stuff on your blog. Keep it up, man!

    Jeff Fisher

  2. Dave
    April 12, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    Thanks for the encouragement. Keep it coming!

    I’ve been thinking about this verse. The “way out” that God provides, is that something that he provides the moment when the temptation is the strongest after I’ve already set myself up to sin, or is that something that I need to seize beforehand? I’m thinking the fire drills, planning, and prayer start now.

    1 Cor 10:13
    No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

    Here is one of a weak guy’s favorite verses:

    But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
    2 Corinthians 12:9

  3. April 12, 2010 at 6:03 pm

    Blake :

    It doesn’t come back little like in the beginning, it comes back full strength like you never quit or even worse like as if you kept progressing the whole time.

    Totally agree. After five years of this I have actually seen quite a few people ease up after a few months or even a year of success. Almost without exception these people end up going right back to their old patterns.

  4. Blake
    April 12, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    Thing about addiction is that you’re just one simple step away from being back into the problem. I’m every day just one beer away from being drunk all the time. ( I tested the theory) It doesn’t come back little like in the beginning, it comes back full strength like you never quit or even worse like as if you kept progressing the whole time. Then God has to move heaven and earth to break your bonds again, which he will, but you sure don’t want that to have to happen. Or maybe you get to the point where you lose your family, kids, house, alimony, maybe job. One guy died of sexual impurity at my church. But alas, I know people don’t listen to advice. They have to get hit on the head like I did. I wish I could transfer my experience to you so it wouldn’t cost you so much.

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