Home > To Do list when quitting > To do list – Tell a safe friend

To do list – Tell a safe friend

You really need to get this problem in the light. If you don’t you won’t succeed. It’s really is that simple. Below are some things I found when I went through my “giving it up” stage. The key is tell someone!

First, don’t get this confused with an accountability partner – they’re two different things. The person you tell initially doesn’t need to have the same problem you are having. In the early days it’s so easy to give up and not go through with the steps you have decided to take. This person helps you out in the early days. They walk with you. Choose a friend that most fits these attributes:

  • Confidential. We are not talking the “kinda” or even the “pretty” confidential type. We are talking the “absolutely confidential” type. The “not telling anyone, even their wife” kind of confidential. This means that they keep everything that they hear from you between you and them – no exceptions.
  • Wise. Find someone that has a steady hand when it comes to crisis. Last thing you need is someone giving you advice that ends up making your problem worse.
  • Love and acceptance. Look, you really don’t need someone that is going to tell you how bad this sexual sin thing is. You have been telling yourself this all along. Some people think that is what they need – more punishment. If that worked you wouldn’t be here to begin with. You need a little grace. You gotta get up and accept forgiveness and start accepting healthy responsibility for your life.
  • Straight shooter. They’ve gotta be able to tell you the truth. You have been in this sin for a long time. In order to stay in the sin you have been telling yourself a lot of half truths or even outright lies. You’ve gotta find someone that can help you understand the truth.
  • Balanced approach to life. There are three extremes in the area of quitting sexual sin. The “Just give it to God” types. The “I just need some counseling” types and the “It’s no big deal, everyone does it” minimizers. The problem is the first two are right to some degree, I learned to ignore the third one. If you take either the “God” approach of the “Man” approach and push it to the extreme it doesn’t work. We were created spiritual, emotional, physical and mental beings. The solution will draw a good balance between all the areas.
  • Same gender. Do I really have to say anything here? Choosing someone of the opposite gender is like jumping from the frying pan and into the fire. It is not unusual for someone to get one problem under control only to have another one crop up. In other words…you may get a porn habit under control only to find that you are tempted to have an affair.

If you don’t have a friend like this, then tell a pastor or make an appointment with a Christian counselor. Don’t wait for the perfect person – they don’t exist. Better to tell someone that does not fully meet this criteria than to keep this hidden. The bottom line is you need to get it out in the light and do it soon.

Don’t tell the world. You have been keeping this hidden so long that once you tell someone a huge weight comes off your shoulders. It feels great. Because it feels so good some people will feel like running out and telling the whole world. Like shouting it from the mountaintop. Resist. All it will likely do is create more heartache and trouble, knocking you off your recovery path. Not only that but giving the wrong person this kind of information at the wrong time or in the wrong way can have devastating effects on their spiritual growth as well. You may eventually “go public” but it’s best to wait for when you have wisely spent one on one time with those you need to reconcile with first and when you are much more confident in your ability to weather the storm.

Victory Is Possible is written by someone who has struggled with sexual sin for decades. I have found victory since 2005. I am not a licensed or trained counselor or pastor and do not pretend to be one. I post my experience here in a hope that you may learn from that experience in your own journey of recovery. As always…I encourage you to seek the the will of the Lord and the advice of wise friends, counselors and pastors before making major life changes. You may contact Victory Is Possible at victoryispossible@gmail.com. All contacts will be kept confidential.

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