Home > To Do list when quitting > To Do List – Get Accountable Part one

To Do List – Get Accountable Part one

Get accountable. Being accountable to someone else has really helped me to get and stay sexually pure. The ability to discuss openly with someone else the nature of my struggles has been indispensable. I’ve been at this quite a while now and I can’t tell you how often I hear from a newbie, “All I need to do is get someone to hold me accountable.” Accountability is important, but it can also definitely fall into the category of “magic fixes.”

One key thing you have to realize about even the best accountability is that its success depends on you – not the accountability partner. You have to be honest. No accountability partner in the world is going to make you be honest or quit sinning sexually.

Magic fixes are things that people think are the silver bullet for their problem. Just fire it once and the werewolf dies, never to return. Usually magic fixes are based on good things. The problem is that people think this is all they need to do. It will somehow magically make their problems go away. While accountability relationships can be very beneficial, they never work out to be a stand-alone magic fix.

One key thing you have to realize about even the best accountability is that its success depends on you – not the accountability partner. You have to be honest. No accountability partner in the world is going to make you be honest or quit sinning sexually.

Sexual sin depends on lies and deception to grow. If you’re involved in it, then you’re involved in a systematic program of deceiving yourself and the significant people in your life. It’s likely that this deception and hiding has gone on for years or decades. Undoing these years of deceptive habits and patterns will take getting honest with yourself – which is not something an accountability partner can make you do.

Think about it this way. All these years, your best efforts to stop doing what you are doing have failed. Your own conscience has not brought about the change you have been looking and hoping for. The Holy Spirit has likely been prompting you to change but you haven’t stopped yet. So how is another human going to accomplish this thing that your best efforts, your conscience, and the Holy Spirit (working on an uncooperative subject) haven’t made happen?

For a large majority of us, solving this issue will require an honest response to the Holy Spirit’s prompting and hard work from us. Don’t look to your accountability partner to make you honest.

Accountability partnerships are good things… really good things. When I’m struggling, I’ve found that my accountability partner helps me think things out. He usually sees things from a different perspective and helps me get past my own deception. I’ve come to think that the term “accountability partner” is a bad description. It conjures up images of a cop or law enforcement officer; someone who’s making me toe the line. Far from that: an accountability partner walks side by side with me. Yes, sometimes he does hold me accountable, but I find much greater value in his friendship as my confidant, adviser and encourager.

Part II… what to look for in an accountability partner.

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