Home > General, To Do list when quitting > To Do List – Get Accountable Part Two

To Do List – Get Accountable Part Two

In part one of this post we discussed how important accountability is but that it was not a magical fix. Part two is what to look for an accountability partner. Remember that you will never find someone who is a perfect accountability partner.

You are looking for someone engaged in the journey that can walk side by side with you. A brother. A friend.
  • Struggles with the same or similar issues as you do. This person needs to have a clue about what your struggle is like. Sexual sin thrives on deception and denial. A person who understands your struggle will be better able to see the areas in your life where you are deceiving or in denial and bring that to your attention.
  • Is able to challenge you. Using a person that you can control will be completely ineffective. If they are not free to challenge your thinking where you need it, then the entire accountability relationship will be worthless. In other words, using your employee or grown child as an accountability partner won’t work. If you’re in ministry, you need to find someone who is not in your “flock.”
  • Comfortable with them. You gotta get along with them. If you can’t relate and find common ground, then it may not work out.
  • Has the time and diligence for a weekly conversation. You need to talk about things every week and sometimes on a daily basis. If the person is not consistently available, you’ve gotta find a different solution.
  • Is not your spouse. Some people think that their spouse would make an ideal accountability partner. They almost never do. First, it’s very likely have a long history of hiding your sexual sin from your spouse. If this is the case, what makes you think you can be honest now? Second, every time you make some kind of revelation to your spouse (who is already hurt to the core) it will be like salt in their wound. This is not an environment that encourages honesty. Third, they have their own stuff to deal with. It is said that the healthy does not marry the sick. Usually, your dealing with your stuff will expose some issues your spouse needs to deal with that make them poor accountability partners. Using your spouse as an accountability partner will very likely make your relationship worse.
  • Same gender as you. It seems silly even saying that, but you’d be surprised that some people think that might work!
  • Balanced approach to life. There are two extremes in the area of quitting sexual sin. The “Just give it to God” camp and the “I just need some counseling” types. The problem is both are right to some degree. If you take either approach and push it to the extreme it doesn’t work. We were created spiritual, emotional, physical and mental beings. The solution will draw a good balance between all the areas.
  • Must be confidential. Think carefully. Confidentiality is a non negotiable. If you hear your potential confidentially partner sharing things about others that you would be embarrassed about if that was you, they are not your accountability partner. This person needs to be so totally committed to confidentiality that they need to not share this stuff with even their wife. No bringing it up as a “prayer concern” – or any of the other loopholes we use to gossip.

A common question that people ask about accountability partners is “Does my accountability partner need to be further down the road than I do?”. Not really. Often times that kind of person would be called a sponsor. You are looking for someone engaged in the journey that can walk side by side with you. A brother. A friend.

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