Home > To Do list when quitting > Start thinking about the positives

Start thinking about the positives

I have been on both sides of this issue; steeped in sex and living in sexual purity. There aren’t many people out there who have really lived both sides. I can tell you with certainty…given the choice between the two I’d choose sexual purity any day!

So often the battle seems to be about the struggles, hard work and effort that it takes. It’s important to keep the positives in you mind as well. Here are some things that started happening to me as I became more victorious over my sexual sin.

Less Shame. Sexual sin creates massive shame in our lives. We feel terrible about what we are doing. This is the red light on the dashboard telling us that something needs attention. Shame bleeds into every aspect of our lives. One place it showed up for me is in my relationships. I found that I felt so bad about myself that I felt ashamed around others. The last five years have had so much less of that shame. I can look people in the eye with thinking “If they only knew how black my heart is”.

Accomplishment. It really feels great to look back and see how far I have come. My life today is 180 degrees different than it was before recovery and it feels great. I feel so much more able to achieve the things that I need to achieve. Sexual sin really sinks it’s talons in our hearts. Thanks be to God…it’s one of my crowning accomplishments of my life.

Much closer walk with the Lord. Ten years ago I thought that it was impossible to have a consistent quiet time. Now its four out of seven days. That is paying huge dividends in my heart and my understanding of who God is.

Respect from my wife. Just the other day she looked me in the eye and said. “You have really changed. I don’t know what it is for sure and when it exactly happened but you are totally different.” Man! That feels like streams in the dry, hot, thirsty desert! It feels so good to know that she sees my efforts, respects me as a man who takes responsibility and does the right thing now. It’s great to feel like her hero, a Godly man, an overcomer. Hearing her express that and seeing it in her actions makes a HUGE difference to me.

A better relationship with my wife. The days of blaming her for not living up to my distorted sexual standards are over. This has made such a huge difference in all areas in our life together. There is so much more peace. It’s funny but when you are so focused on a goal sometimes it actually drives a person in the opposite direction. The more you try to make it happen, the more the other person goes the other direction.

Prayer. My prayer life was nonexistent before. Really, the only prayers I would say were when I was asked to pray in public. I spend most drives to work praying now and they are far more focused on me learning who God is than me asking God for some favor.

Spiritual Direction. Before I was so clouded with sin that I could hardly hear the Holy Spirit shout. Now I have some pretty clear direction and a very clear sense of what I need to be doing. It is very freeing to be able to say “No” because I truly know that I am not called. I am free to say “Yes” to good things that I have been called to do and work wholeheartedly in that direction.

Peace. No more covering tracks. No more fear when someone is using my computer. No more worry about being discovered, about people really knowing who I am.

Friends closer than brothers. Before I wondered if people would still like me or accept me if they only “knew what I knew” about myself. The good news is I have found brothers that won’t “run from the room screaming” when I talk about what I think is my worse stuff. I know men who have been engaged in heroic battles of good and evil and have won. They are truly modern day heroes that nobody knows. Don’t get me wrong, I have some great friends from before that are still friends now. It’s just that I now know that there are people who accept me…all of me…with the love of the Lord. Wonderful!

What I am trying to say here is that it’s important to have a sense of where you life could go and who you could be if you focus on this issue and whip it. I have been on both sides of this issue; steeped in sex and living in sexual purity. There aren’t many people out there who have really lived both sides. I can tell you with certainty…given the choice between the two I’d choose sexual purity any day!

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  1. May 11, 2010 at 9:38 am

    I would add:

    1. Being healthy in your sexuality for the first time.
    2. Getting to the balance God wants me to have sexually, emotionally, relationally, and physically
    3. A clear consience; no secrets; no lies
    4. You’ll be able to serve God by helping others with their struggles

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